To Sab

VIA SMS

Me:     Sab i could totally get famous by starting a podcast.

Sab:    lol

My Dream Podcast

It’s always been one of my many, many, many dreams to have a show of my own.

Now with that new fangled internet thingy and my newly ingrained Elitist Scum tastes, I’ve decided that podcasts are the way to go.

I know that I’m random, bizarre and equipped with enoughs kills to come up with a decent online show, provided that I have a good team behind me.

Alas, I don’t have the materials or money to come up with this particular project, but since I’m sharing my dream with you, I might as well pitch my little idea.

Imagine a podcast that will be so intensely random and bizarre that it will make you LOL. It’ll be for the age groups of above 18 and anyone that gets half the pop culture references in it, which I have to warn you, will span back to the middle ages (the 70’s).

There’ll be music, animation, art and just sitting about and talking about crap. Also throw in some MSN conversations (and some things that will never be shown on Singapore TV in a million years.)

That there will be my incredible Dream Podcast.

For the sake of giving it a name, we’ll call it Muffin Traps

Are you a badfish too?

Ain’t got no money to spend~

Once upon a time,

there was a little girl who, for as long as she could remember, had been drawing. She drew on walls, napkins, scrap pieces of paper and even on menus in restaurants. Her parents then bought her little books for her small hands to carry everywhere to draw in. So for all her life, this little girl brought sketchbooks until she finished them, and bought new ones, with her old stacks of sketchbooks piling up nearly as tall as she was.

One day, she was forced to move from her beloved home and family to move to a new home in another country. She had to learn a new language, new customs and even get to know new relatives she never even knew she had. However, despite all the insanity in her life, she never failed to keep a book to draw in.

Two years after moving into the strange new land, this girl was pushed into the first school that would accept her. However, despite being around her peers, she’d never felt more like a stranger. While still getting used to the strange new customs of this new land, she had to learn other languages and other customs on top of them. She was practically an alien as far as these people were concerned. However, this little girl never failed to always keep a book at hand to draw all her troubles in.

In the year of 2002, the girl logged on to the internet and stumbled across a most delicious discovery – graffiti. She had always seen it in her old hometown at the old train rails. She had always been surrounded in it in her second home in alleys and secret corners. Yet, she had never been this opened to such a frightening and tantalising art form as this. It was so abstract and yet so forthright.

So, the girl, having fallen head over heels for graffiti, just could not stop studying text and words in new and different ways. She was almost giddy with excitement when she saw the gravity defying letters of Daim and even felt electricity in her fingers when she discovered she could write letters in new ways.

Alas, there was a problem, for you see this girl was very much not a rule breaker. How would she go out and make her art known like her idols? She vowed that she would strive to be like the best before making a fool of herself on street walls in public spaces. After all, who was she but a toy?

So she continued on everyday, sketching, doodling and colouring. She planned throw-ups and wondered how far she could go with magnificent pieces. She copied the masters of 3D and watched videos of old school bubble-styled words being formed on the sides of trains. She marveled at the beauty of tags at bus stops and would often stop just to observe stick-ups on walls.

Ah, then came another problem. What was to be her name? Her nom de plume?  After much consideration, it was simple. Scream. A single syllable word that expressed much of the frustration that came from being pushed about from home to home without so much as a warning. Scream. It said so much in so little and it was perfect.

Several years later, the little girl Scream had fallen in love – this time with a boy. Coincidentally, with this same boy, she met up with one of Singapore’s leading street artists and from there, her adventures started. She met with the faces behind the art that graced walls and skateparks all over Singapore, and even broke a few rules of her own. She practiced and practiced and yet, she realised a very large problem. She wasn’t being taken seriously.

So she withdrew very quickly in a very dramatic and sudden whirl of shame and self-doubt, without ever really questioning why she stopped her pursuing her dreams.

Present day, the girl still sketches, doodles and colours. She still studies the masters of graffiti and street art, and still pastes stick-ups in random places. Her tastes in  art have expanded much and she has improved over the years (or at least she thinks she has). However, deep inside this little girl, she still hopes very much that she can spray her art on wide open spaces for the world to see without fear of judgement or the law, for that matter.

That’s the end, there’s nothing more.

Tan-tarah!

Ni!

Ni! Ni! Ni!

Ni!

Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!

Oh my god you guys

GROCERY SHOPPING WITH LE SLOTH.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Cereal, cereal, cereal!!!

Hocus Pocus

I’ve been completely sick… too sick to even doodle so you must have some idea of how sick I am.

However, between lying in bed.. and er.. lying in bed, I’ve been piecing together bits of my childhood  via Youtube and I absolutely screamed (albeit in a scratchy frog-in-my-throat way) when I saw this video.

I think it’s amazing that after all these years, childhood movies still never cease to amaze me because there’s all this subtle humour and pop culture references that I only realise now. Phewie I hope I manage to create something that instills the same nostalgia that these movies have in me.

Word on the Street: Brian

He was the resident thespian in my class and it shows, people. He’s got the posh Brit accent down pat and he can out-sing most peeps. Introducing Brian Lim and his amazing answers to this week’s Word on the Street.

1)    Hey Brian. Alright so we’ll start off with something a little easy. What is the word on the street?
I only know what the sparrows tell me. Tweet tweet. ^.^

2)    Do you happen to like crème brulee?
I’ve heard it mentioned before, like, as an obscure reference in movies, but I’ve never actually eaten it. Heck, I don’t even know what it is, except that it’s supposed to be some kind of pastry. At least, I think it’s pastry.

3)    What would be the most enjoyable out of these three items to squash?
a.    An particularly poofy pancake
b.    Crème brulee
c.    Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey

I’d like to squash item C in my mouth. Many item Cs, if you please!

4)    Please explain

Who in their right mind would squash good food? I’d put such good stuff in my mouth if I were you. And as for my choice, well, poofy pancakes are all very well, but it doesn’t compare to good ‘ol B&J’s ice-cream. Crème brulee might be good (I wouldn’t know, refer to question 2), but I don’t feel particularly adventurous at the moment. Hence Chunky Monkey.

5)    Please tell me an embarassing story which can be imaginary or real, but at all costs it has to include cheese in it. Specifically cheddar cheese.

The Kopitiam was packed with hordes of hungry people. Aunties and uncles came in legion, elbowing their way through the crowd and behaving as if the stalls would close if they waited for another minute. Some irritating Secondary school kids were thrown in for the sake of variety, loudly discussing the merits of Pokemon and One Piece.

One kid in particular was queuing up at a chicken rice stall. He was a weedy-looking specimen, probably the target of lots of pranks. In this case, the writer decided to add to his misery by orchestrating the events to come.

A random student from the same school as Mr. Weedy decided to run up to him pull his pants down, just as he was giving his order for chicken rice “without the cucumber”. Unfortunately for Mr. Weedy, had somehow neglected to wear his underpants that day.

For the sake of censoring, a random auntie who happened to have a cup of melted cheddar cheese rushed over and splashed his front with it.

The end.

6)    Let’s play a word association game. Type the first word that comes to your mind when you see the following words:
a.    Asswipe = Baby butt-cheeks.
b.    Blue = Sky
c.    Darth = Kenobi

7)    Let’s say we both believe in this supposed thing called ‘Love at First Sight’. What do you think it’ll feel like? BE as descriptive as possible!!

Their eyes locked, and they ((please subscribe to read more, or visit your local bookstore stocked with bodice-rippers))

8)    Who do you think you were in a past life? Be as creative and as flamboyant as possible with your answer.

A dust mote. Wait, does that say something about my creativity? Uhm, okay, a dust mite. Hah! Beat that!

9)    Have you ever watched Lion King? If no, skip the next question.

Yes. If you haven’t, please go watch it. It’s gonna be the “classic Disney” thing that we’ll tell our children about.

10)    What do you think Rafiki the baboon was singing about when he was taunting Simba?

How badly he needed a pair of pants, in Zimbaween of course. Or whatever language that was.

11)    Would you rather die by drowning in chocolate or drowning in whipped cream?

The archnemesis cackled menacingly as his hand hovered over two levers, one marked “CHOCOLATE” and the other “WHIPPED CREAM”. To his consternation, the captive hero started laughing hysterically.

“WHAT’S SO FUNNY?!” The villain demanded.

Still laughing and unable to talk, the hero pointed at a desk where the slashed budget for this year’s execution devices was clearly visible.

12)    When was the last time you had a dinner with friends, and how was it like?

T’was at night, as dinners often are
And food came served on dinner plates
Of course we talked, this lorh, that lah
As chickens served their sad, sad fates

Pardon the bad rhyming. Truth be told, I can’t remember much about dinner.

13)    In retrospect, do you think a goat would have made the experience so much better?
If you mean food-wise, then perhaps something more interesting than mere chicken would have served to make the whole thing more enjoyable. But if you’re wondering if having a smelly animal there would have done the same, then, no, I’m afraid not.

14)    Name one Disney song that you know and love, and if you don’t know one, just make one up.

“Once Upon a December” from Anastasia.

15)    How many hours do you spend on the internet a day, and do you think that this is normal?

Technically, it’s 18 hours a day, since I spent as much time using the Internet as possible for tons of things. When you’re in Mass Comm, surfing the Net becomes a necessary evil.

16)    Do you believe all the Chuck Norris facts and that they are indeed, true?

I’m sorry? A Chuck Norris fact? I think that’s an oxymoron. Most of what I hear is fiction. How can anyone’s muscles have muscles with muscles ad nauseam, or be able to kill people with an eyelash, etc.?

17)    Did you know that Bjork has an Icelandic death scream that can kill people within a 5 kilometre radius?

Er, no.

18)    Please make up a fact about Bjork, RIGHT NOW.

They can give Yoda a run for his money in the Fugly Factor show.

19)    The reason I chose you to interview for Word on the Street was because I thought you would have interesting answers. On a scale of 0 to 59, rate how creative your answers are.

*eyes the scale* Uhm, I’m sorry, I think this thing’s broken. *taptap* Can I get some help here? It’s not showing up to 100.

20)    Okay, last question. On a scale of  0 to 67, rate how much you love Naj Me Tender, the blog that this interview is gonna turn up on.

“O Light of my Heart!
O, my Existence!
Mere numbers canno—“

“Excuse me? Excuse me, sir. I think you’re in the wrong place.”

“YOU INTERRUPTED MY BALLAD!”

“Sir, I mu—“
“ZERO! ZERO! I HAET J00!”

Punks and Aussie mats

Note that this was all in the same conversation.

Brad Bird

Watching both ‘The Iron Giant’ and ‘The Incredibles’ back to back completely made my day. The animation is nothing short of inspiring.

The fact that Brad Bird probably works his team down to the bone shows in the product… the fluidity in the movement of the characters and the realness of the characters. While the Golden Era will always be reserved for the Disney Princesses’ time, Brad Bird has certainly shown that animation is definitely an art genre not to mess around with.

Moreover, he has tremendously creative and focused art direction, but just saying that renders me disingenous as it’s blatantly obvious.

I’ve also noticed that both movies mentioned above are sort of retro tributes, right down to the last detail, from the squared jawline that the male leads have and the ideal curviness of the women, to the furniture and the sharp, clean minimalistic values that are reflected in the environments.

Brava. There’s nothing like taking a closer look at the favourites