He was the resident thespian in my class and it shows, people. He’s got the posh Brit accent down pat and he can out-sing most peeps. Introducing Brian Lim and his amazing answers to this week’s Word on the Street.

1)    Hey Brian. Alright so we’ll start off with something a little easy. What is the word on the street?
I only know what the sparrows tell me. Tweet tweet. ^.^

2)    Do you happen to like crème brulee?
I’ve heard it mentioned before, like, as an obscure reference in movies, but I’ve never actually eaten it. Heck, I don’t even know what it is, except that it’s supposed to be some kind of pastry. At least, I think it’s pastry.

3)    What would be the most enjoyable out of these three items to squash?
a.    An particularly poofy pancake
b.    Crème brulee
c.    Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey

I’d like to squash item C in my mouth. Many item Cs, if you please!

4)    Please explain

Who in their right mind would squash good food? I’d put such good stuff in my mouth if I were you. And as for my choice, well, poofy pancakes are all very well, but it doesn’t compare to good ‘ol B&J’s ice-cream. Crème brulee might be good (I wouldn’t know, refer to question 2), but I don’t feel particularly adventurous at the moment. Hence Chunky Monkey.

5)    Please tell me an embarassing story which can be imaginary or real, but at all costs it has to include cheese in it. Specifically cheddar cheese.

The Kopitiam was packed with hordes of hungry people. Aunties and uncles came in legion, elbowing their way through the crowd and behaving as if the stalls would close if they waited for another minute. Some irritating Secondary school kids were thrown in for the sake of variety, loudly discussing the merits of Pokemon and One Piece.

One kid in particular was queuing up at a chicken rice stall. He was a weedy-looking specimen, probably the target of lots of pranks. In this case, the writer decided to add to his misery by orchestrating the events to come.

A random student from the same school as Mr. Weedy decided to run up to him pull his pants down, just as he was giving his order for chicken rice “without the cucumber”. Unfortunately for Mr. Weedy, had somehow neglected to wear his underpants that day.

For the sake of censoring, a random auntie who happened to have a cup of melted cheddar cheese rushed over and splashed his front with it.

The end.

6)    Let’s play a word association game. Type the first word that comes to your mind when you see the following words:
a.    Asswipe = Baby butt-cheeks.
b.    Blue = Sky
c.    Darth = Kenobi

7)    Let’s say we both believe in this supposed thing called ‘Love at First Sight’. What do you think it’ll feel like? BE as descriptive as possible!!

Their eyes locked, and they ((please subscribe to read more, or visit your local bookstore stocked with bodice-rippers))

8)    Who do you think you were in a past life? Be as creative and as flamboyant as possible with your answer.

A dust mote. Wait, does that say something about my creativity? Uhm, okay, a dust mite. Hah! Beat that!

9)    Have you ever watched Lion King? If no, skip the next question.

Yes. If you haven’t, please go watch it. It’s gonna be the “classic Disney” thing that we’ll tell our children about.

10)    What do you think Rafiki the baboon was singing about when he was taunting Simba?

How badly he needed a pair of pants, in Zimbaween of course. Or whatever language that was.

11)    Would you rather die by drowning in chocolate or drowning in whipped cream?

The archnemesis cackled menacingly as his hand hovered over two levers, one marked “CHOCOLATE” and the other “WHIPPED CREAM”. To his consternation, the captive hero started laughing hysterically.

“WHAT’S SO FUNNY?!” The villain demanded.

Still laughing and unable to talk, the hero pointed at a desk where the slashed budget for this year’s execution devices was clearly visible.

12)    When was the last time you had a dinner with friends, and how was it like?

T’was at night, as dinners often are
And food came served on dinner plates
Of course we talked, this lorh, that lah
As chickens served their sad, sad fates

Pardon the bad rhyming. Truth be told, I can’t remember much about dinner.

13)    In retrospect, do you think a goat would have made the experience so much better?
If you mean food-wise, then perhaps something more interesting than mere chicken would have served to make the whole thing more enjoyable. But if you’re wondering if having a smelly animal there would have done the same, then, no, I’m afraid not.

14)    Name one Disney song that you know and love, and if you don’t know one, just make one up.

“Once Upon a December” from Anastasia.

15)    How many hours do you spend on the internet a day, and do you think that this is normal?

Technically, it’s 18 hours a day, since I spent as much time using the Internet as possible for tons of things. When you’re in Mass Comm, surfing the Net becomes a necessary evil.

16)    Do you believe all the Chuck Norris facts and that they are indeed, true?

I’m sorry? A Chuck Norris fact? I think that’s an oxymoron. Most of what I hear is fiction. How can anyone’s muscles have muscles with muscles ad nauseam, or be able to kill people with an eyelash, etc.?

17)    Did you know that Bjork has an Icelandic death scream that can kill people within a 5 kilometre radius?

Er, no.

18)    Please make up a fact about Bjork, RIGHT NOW.

They can give Yoda a run for his money in the Fugly Factor show.

19)    The reason I chose you to interview for Word on the Street was because I thought you would have interesting answers. On a scale of 0 to 59, rate how creative your answers are.

*eyes the scale* Uhm, I’m sorry, I think this thing’s broken. *taptap* Can I get some help here? It’s not showing up to 100.

20)    Okay, last question. On a scale of  0 to 67, rate how much you love Naj Me Tender, the blog that this interview is gonna turn up on.

“O Light of my Heart!
O, my Existence!
Mere numbers canno—“

“Excuse me? Excuse me, sir. I think you’re in the wrong place.”

“YOU INTERRUPTED MY BALLAD!”

“Sir, I mu—“
“ZERO! ZERO! I HAET J00!”