I HAVE NO PRIVACY

Not even in this farce that is called a room.

First you have a family member CONVENIENTLY bursting in every 15 minutes and if it’s my mum jiggling the doorknob and I’m about to have a shower, she’ll just be all, “hay i changed your diapers and now you wont’ let me in because you’re taking a SHOWER?” How normal is that? The answer I think you’re looking for is NOT VERY.

Also, I have this mini ecosystem in my room consisting of a gazillion ants, spiders that live in rolls of sticky tape and behind tissue boxes and oh yah, let’s not forget the tiny black bugs that I didn’t know existed until I spotted a heap dangling about in a web.

I can only suck so many of these itsy bitsy pain in the asses for so long peeps.

WHAT THE HELL. I need tips to get rid of the ants NOW. I don’t care if this is cosmic karma for finding an ant’s nest and then spraying pesticide in it, because the nest was in my old living room.

I care for spiders, I have love for them. They need to just find a secret corner though because i can’t have them making webs in my scanner.

A GIRL’S GOTTA DO WHAT A GIRL’S GOTTA DO.

The EYE of DOOM

My left eyelid has been swollen for a couple of days now because of this lurky pimple thing. It’s just gross and painful and I never want to have one again. This incident has inspired me to invest in more coolpop frames just in case weird eye things happen again. I shall now show you what frames I mean just in case you are feeling particularly generous my way.

I like ‘em pointy and fancy.

Let me tell you a story

A story about a military man who died honorably in war but instead of going to heaven, was punished by becoming a tooth fairy. You see, in all his life while mentoring the young cadets and shaping them up to be fine soldiers on top of being a war hero himself, he never paid much attention to his little ones. He’s been a tooth fairy for a good old nine years now and is coming to to the end of his ten year clause before he ascends to that higher plane.

The dilemma now is that this reluctant man actually likes his job. He doesn’t even mind the tights and the sparkly wings. The joy that he gets from looking on the sleeping children’s faces and the amazement at that shiny dollar under their pillows has never compared to anything in his life.

Ah, but all good things must come to an end… or will it? I like to think that Jimbo, the ex-commando and full time tooth fairy will be able to continue delighting children all over the world as long as he likes.

Considering his very prestigious status in the army in his past life, he assists from time to time in the afterlife’s juvenile court. The ‘juveniles’ are mostly five years and younger and their punishments are usually a smack on the wrist or having to sit in the thinking corner, depending on the seriousness of the situation. He tries to go easy on them but shh, don’t tell anyone.

The Good, The Bad and the Chugly

Wow, are you ready for this (my ‘artsy’ photography) folks?

I’m not sure I am, truth be told. Okay let’s just get this over with.

The truth lies under the cut.

The Most Honest Post

Let me tell you first hand that I am seriously qutie quite bad at taking pictures, and iI Just got this roll of film developed that I took from my grandfather’s Nikon old school camera (which isn’t an SLR) and it is in a word, HILARIOUS.

I was trying experiments with it so like half are overexposed because i kept forgetting about the flash and the other half are blurry because my hands are shaky. Hee hee hee.

I shall go shower while I wait for le photos to upload! Sit on the edge of your seats in anticipation for more.

Fwoosh

That is the sound of Media Law going straight over my head. I honestly didn’t bother to pay attention after the first 15 minutes truly. To keep awake I was amusing myself by replacing the word ‘court’ with ‘cock’, ‘prosecute’ with ‘prostitute’ whenever the lecturer was talking. Amazing stuff.

“If a young person trespasses your property, they will be prostituted at the juvenile cock.”

This is today’s doodle which will definitely grow bigger as the lessons go by.

Le sigh, if only my attention span were longer.

Naj Me Tender: Podcast

Okay so people have been coming up to me and telling me that I should really do my podcast because they actually agree with the statement that I have an excellent sense of humour. This is actually true unless you are a figure of authority or a lecturer. Otherwise, it’s very true.

So I’ve actually gotten down to starting the planning of it and right now all I can say is that it’s going to be random, like Monty Python’s Flying Circus and Robot Chicken random. There will be impersonations, bad singing, okay singing, interviews and insightful political commentaries. Okay no, but there will be fart jokes.

I even started singing a pseudo theme song in the shower when i was really getting into shampooing my hair

Naj Me Tender

Will it blend in a blender?

she’s quite insane

but don’t try to mend her

NAJ ME TENDER

*air guitar*

NAJ ME TENDER

*air guitar*

Utterly fantastically stupid. I love it.

Some things never change

Despite being a little older and not having seen each other for about a month straight, the gang will inevitably always resort to Sab-bashing.

Sab-bashing refers to the persistent and continuous aggravating of Sabrina, my sunshine friend, with various and creative ways.

Today’s Sab-bash revolved around her cornrows, because we saw a definite likeness of her to Predator of Alien vs. Predator fame. Think about it people, she hides those mandibles to blend in with us.

Last term Sab-bashing revolved around her ’sexcitement’ and all the ways she would pounce on various members of the male sex. The scenarios would get more and more elaborate as we talked. I think the best part of Sab-bashing is that she’s there the entire time and the people around her will talk about her ’sexploits’ like she isn’t there.

It just gets better from here, because you see, Sabrina will get to a point where she will stay quiet and pretend to ignore the crowd around her. This is difficult because the crowd is usually four or five very, very, very lively people. Then she will get to the stage where she will giggle (this is about a minute into the im-going-to-ignore-you phase). I think the unwritten rule is to get her into the quiet stage and then get her out of it the quickest, I’m not really sure.

So if you ever see Sabrina in school, do grab three or four friends and corner her and proceed to taunt her but in a light-hearted manner. Don’t make her cry, only I and our mutual friend PMS can do that and I haven’t really succeeded yet.

You may ask, why do we only taunt Sabrina? Because if you attempt to taunt Charmaine, she will invade your personal space and may or may not bite off your ear (preferably the one with the piercing on it because it’s shiny).

Le First Day.

To summarise, it was just one huge mood swing really.

Let us imagine my day as a huge valley. At the beginning of teh day I had my clothes laid out and my makeup settled etc. all my school essentials packed. I was ready to go and not even the depressed morning faces on the MRT could dampen my mood of hyperosity! I reached school super duper early to meet le Sab when Beardy Gonzalez (aka Shafik the Gaylord) smsed to tell us that there would be no advertising class.

Wah, let me tell you, I was damn on to go to Mac and get me some fresh hotcakes. For about an hour me and Sabrina roamed the school revisiting our favourite places and seeing new faces and so on and so forth until Ivan, a good samaritan of sorts, smsed us to tell us the bad news. Advertising was indeed on. Cue the dramatic music.

Lo, our faces greyed and our hearts heavied for we had begun our semester on a bad note! We shuffled off to class and sheepishly cowered in the back seats. This was the very bottom of the valley that was my first day of school.

Class went on and finally it finished but not without a few subtle hints in our direction about latecomers (le sigh). Lunch was the famous nutritious teriyaki chicken sandwich from the deli and then there was photojourn.

Ah slowly we trudge up from the depths of the valley to the tippy-top of the other side. Onwards to the peak of happiness friends! Felix, man on the outside and bitch on the inside (in the best way possible of course), made everything that much more dramatic with his sly and witty quips, and with my ever-heavy eyes due to a lack of sleep yesterday night, it really made the difference. We entered the dark room with much fear and intimidation in our hearts, my friends, I won’t lie. Also, you wouldn’t look at a dark room the same way ever again after watching Shutter. Tsk, tsk, the effect media has on us. Ah, well, this is why I am Elitist Scum, no?

Finally class finished! I practically fleed from the morgue/dark room all the way to the Plaza, wondrous place of so many good memories. The day was topped off with the best of the usual stupidity shared amongst Hairy Mcfuzz (Shafik) and Sabrina who between them had deduced that Jesus was a pirate.

Sab: If Jesus could drink wine, why can’t I?

Shafik: I thought he drank the pirate stuff.

Me: Rum?

Shafik: Ya! He drank rum. (Cue mucho confidence and insistence)

Either me, Shafik or Sabrina: Jesus was a pirate???

Ah the things that go through our minds.

ARR CONVERT TO CHRISTIANITY OR WALK THE PLANK YOU SCURVY DOG!!

Do Aliens Exist?

Yes, yes, a trillion times yes. Who could honestly make up aliens out of the blue one day? Something weird had to happen so that all these urban legends could pop up. PLus the galaxy is HUMONGOUS so to think that there are no aliens or any other life forms out there would be very egoistic.

I would honestly like to see a UFO drift by casually… that would the cherry on the proverbial sundae. I won’t care if people don’t believe me either because to see it for myself would be enough.

Le sigh.

I wonder if Ewoks really exist? That would be mad freaking awesome… they’re effing cute!!

I actually cannot believe I’m still awake at this hour. I’m supposed to wake up at 6 tomorrow and I am now awake at 2 am in the morning. Great, great, great. I am going to be such a bitch tomorrow RRRRRRR!!